Why Do You Always Have To
by kate avalanche
Summary: Naruto decides that, since he and Sasuke have taken each other off the market, that Sakura and Hinata deserve people who will be there for them.  Silly matchmaker Naruto's in for more than he bargained.  [SasuNaru SakuLee KibaHina ShikaTem]
1. If we're gay, then

OK, this is the first Naruto fanfic I've deemed un-sucky enough to be put on ffnet. Really, it's my favourite pairings with plot added, as opposed to the other way around. Here's hoping it'll be good though. And while there is some SasuNaru goodness (swoon), that's the only yaoi coupling in here. And there's no yuri. Nopers.

So a warning, the couples which will show up will be SakuraXLee(I don't really like Sakura much...at all...but Lee, while weird, deserves some happiness.) , KibaXHinata, and probably moments of ShikaTem. Because they're made for each other.

And disclaimery funtime. I don't own them. Really I don't. Oh, but if I did... grin

Last thing, promise. I know some of you have read this already. I decided that the original second chapter didn't really merit being its own chapter, and this one was crazy short, so i smooshed the two together. So the third, now second chapter shall be up...soonish.

* * *

"Oi…Sasuke," Naruto blinked muzzily, lifting his head from the dark-haired boy's chest. 

"Mmm?"

"I just had a thought."

…

Naruto was both slightly shocked and a little disappointed that Sasuke hadn't jumped on that opportunity. He continued anyway, "What we did yesterday afternoon…and last night…and this morning…and-"

"Naruto, get on with it."

"Fine teme. What we did…it means we're gay, ne?"

Sasuke had been proud of not having laughed at Naruto's earlier comment, but this one was so ridiculously stupid that he couldn't help the low chuckle that escaped, "It does if you _enjoyed _it. Did you," Sasuke's hand crept down Naruto's stomach, "enjoy it?"

"I – Ah! Stop…oooh… - yeah, I – uh! – enjoyed it," his blue eyes glazed momentarily as his train of thought no only derailed but plummeted into some bottomless pit as the Uchiha's hands slipped towards places hands didn't ordinarily go.

"Then I'd have to say you're gay," Sasuke breathed in the boy's ear, making him wriggle involuntarily, "Was there a purpose to this?"

"Oh yeah," the blond sat up, his fist thwumped against his palm, "If we're doing this…" Naruto blushed slightly, smiling, "then Sakura and Hinata will be sad, won't they?"

Sasuke, unhappy at Naruto's no longer touching him, snaked his arms around the boy's torso and pulled him back down, "_Hinata_ will be sad, _Sakura _will be homicidal."

The blonde gasped softly at what Sasuke was doing just then, and as tempted as he was to start anew what they'd only finished doing a few hours ago, he was determined to get this out, "Sasuke, stop for a – nngh – Sas – ahhh"

"What did you say?" black eyes stared into blue ones.

"Come on teme, stop for a – EEP! Oh Kami, screw it, let's- "

"No, what were you going to say?" Sasuke withdrew his advances, tormenting the boy, noting his mussed blonde hair, his unfocused blue eyes, his pink tinged cheeks, and the raggedness of his breath.

"I was _going _to say that we should fix them up with people who'll be good for them so they won't be sad about us – or homicidal," he added, "Now, you started it again, and dammit, we're going to finish it," and with that, he pulled Sasuke over him, his ragged breathing growing harsher and a grin spreading across his face.

* * *

Poke. 

Poke poke.

Poke jab.

Poke FLYING KICK OF DOOM AND-

Before Naruto could blink, let alone stop his kick, Sasuke had flung himself out of the bed. Because his target was gone, Naruto collided with the wall. Painfully.

"Ow…Sasuke, I was just trying to wake you uuuuuuuuuup!" (Hahaha, you perverts. You know what you were thinking.) the boy whined, rubbing his forehead. Now redder and slightly more two-dimensional from its meeting with the wall.

"Funny, looked more like you were trying to kill me. What in _Hell_ were you thinking coming at me like you're Rock Lee when he's wasted?!"

"But we need groceries…"

"What?"

"We're going to need our strength if we're finding people for Hinata and Sakura."

"Oi, Naruto, I just remembered, didn't you like Sakura?"

"The blond looked scandalized. He pressed himself against the Uchiha, his face tilted upwards and his blue eyes wide, "Sasuke-kun," he murmured, mimicking Sakura's speech, "You should _know _I only love _you_." With that, he ground his hips against Sasuke's.

He blinked in surprise, Sasuke _couldn't _be…he was! The silent, the stoic, the iceman cometh. Sasuke was blushing.

"Dobe, are we going on your ridiculous Good Samaritan mission of idiocy or are we going to do this?"

"Aww, you mean we can't do _both_?"

The Uchiha grinned, it was clear which he'd rather do, but he had a feeling Naruto was genuinely concerned about the happiness of their friends. He grabbed the grocery bag from the counter and slung it over his shoulder, looking like an emo parody of Santa. Naruto laughed at that and slid his hand into Sasuke's, squeezing slightly.

"Thank you…"

"For what?"

"Humouring me," Naruto smiled and the two left the smallish apartment.

* * *

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-su. I know that was ridiculously short, gomen... And just so you know, that's the closest to M I'm ever getting. So those with more delicate sensibilities, don't panic. Those who want smuttier fics, I'm sorry. I can't write those yet. They still make me feel like I'm doing something dirty...which in reality, I am. But yeah. I'll get the next chapter up as soon as my brain is alive again. I'm debating whether to go straight to matchmakey goodness or to include grocery shopping fluff. OPINIONS PLEASE. :) 


	2. Grocery shopping can be dirty

And hello again! Sorry it took foreverish. My sister (Nadeshiko Tenshi) and I are working on a FMA/Alice in Wonderland crossover and it'll be probably the most beautiful thing ever. Haha, really. So again, I don't own Naruto, or Madlax, Pop-Tarts, or Portugal. All are involved in this chapter. Alrighty then, here you go. :)

* * *

Naruto felt the tug of Sasuke's hand on his, and for what was probably the twelfth time in as many minutes, he slowed his pace to walk beside him, instead of far ahead.

"Naruto, are you honestly that excited about this?"

The blonde turned around, a wide grin on his face, "Of course!"

"But…_why?_ Why are they so important to you?" That thought had actually been bothering Sasuke since the moment his dobe had suggested his latest harebrained scheme.

"Aww, you aren't jealous are you?" Naruto suddenly became serious, "It's not just them you know… I s'pose it's everyone. Those two and Kiba and Shikamaru and Shino even if he _is_ weird and Chouji and Iruka- and Kakashi-sensei and you especially and I guess even Ino some of the time…" He paused, his feet coming to a stop, "It's a little…scary I guess, growing up with no one giving a damn whether you live or die. No, wishing you'd just vanish so they wouldn't have to be reminded you exist. But you all were different. Not at first of course, but after a while, you guys noticed. You were able to look me in the eyes and not…shrink away I guess."

Sasuke's eyes widened, he'd never even thought about that. He'd always assumed he'd known exactly what Naruto had gone through, ever since that day… Everyone had already gone home with his or her parents, but he sat alone on the pier. Naruto walked along the path, looking at him out of the corner of his eye, scowling whenever they caught each other's glance. But he, an Uchiha, had never had to deal with people pretending, wishing he didn't exist…

He squeezed the blonde's hand, "Baka. We're able to look at you because if _someone _didn't keep an eye on you you'd go painting landmarks again. Now hurry up. I don't feel like standing out here forever." He gave a yank and started off again. Naruto let out a little laugh and hurried so he wouldn't be left behind.

* * *

Naruto pulled open the door of the grocery, going in and almost forgetting Sasuke was right behind him.

"Oh, oops," he grinned as he pressed the door open again for the dark haired boy.

"Good job dobe," Sasuke grumbled without any real heat to the complaint. Instead, he slid the grocery sack down from his shoulder and let it hang from his hand, "So what do we need for this crazy plan of yours?"

"Hmm…pasta. Yeah, pasta." **(1) **The blonde darted towards the aisle with the boxed pasta, glancing at the ramen as he passed it. _Hmm…nah, _he thought, _I can run on that, but Sasuke'll need something with protein…or vitamins…or something._

As he leaned down to grab a package of spaghetti, he felt warmth on the back of his neck and jumped, suppressing a girly squeal. His head whipped around to see a grinning Uchiha only centimeters away.

"Dammit Sasu-mmrph," the end of his sentence was muffled as the taller boy pressed his lips against Naruto's. A split second later, he leaned away, and in his dazed state, the blonde missed the dark green eyes peering through a gap in the pasta boxes, missed the "eep, holy mother of-" that came from the same gap, and also missed the exasperated sigh that came from just behind that gap. Sasuke didn't, but wasn't in the mood to mention to his boyfriend that one of the scariest kunoichi he'd ever met was spying on them with _her _lazy boyfriend.

"Hmm…Sasuke, what goes well with spaghetti?"

The dark haired boy looked up, "Spaghetti sauce."

"Agh, I _know _that! I meant what else do you want? They've got…" Naruto rattled off ingredients that, at first, weren't too unusual, but when he got to pop-tarts and orange marmalade, Sasuke had to stop him.

"Chorizo." **(2)**

"Bless you."

"No you baka. Spicy sausage."

Naruto would never be good at poker. The instant those words were out of Sasuke's mouth, the blonde giggled. Until the package of spaghetti came down on his head.

"Tell me why I put up with you. I don't know. I really don't."

Naruto pretended to look thoughtful, "…I suppose it's because I'm cute."

The dark boy couldn't help but roll his eyes at that. Not that he didn't think it true mind you, he absolutely did. But "cute" wasn't a word that came out of Sasuke's mouth often. …ever really.

"Just go get the damn sausage," he saw Naruto open his mouth – probably to make another weak, perverted joke, "Don't. Just get the chorizo and we'll go." The blonde harrumphed and traipsed off to the deli section, grabbed his sausage (hehe, shut up), and they checked out.

"Shika…is there something you forgot to tell me maybe?"

"Usually."

The Sand kunoichi narrowed her eyes, "Anything in particular?"

"Oh, you mean them? I didn't know about that…I mean, everyone had a feeling Sasuke was…you know. But Naruto we all just figured was asexual. Or in love with ramen. Something."

Temari rolled her eyes. She loved her Shikamaru, but sometimes he was so damn dense!

* * *

Naruto sliced the chorizo while Sasuke tried not to light the pasta on fire, a near impossible task, but Sasuke, the prodigy of the leaf village, could not cook to save his life. When the dark haired boy yelped, Naruto's head whipped around.

"Sas-oh crap. Come here, put your finger in there," he sighed, turning on the cold tap. He grabbed a piece of ice from the freezer and put it in a rag, handing it to the boy.

Sasuke took it, avoiding those blue eyes, "Sorry…"

"What for?"

"I didn't mean to be useless."

Naruto rolled his eyes and tapped Sasuke on the nose, "You're not going to be good at everything teme. Here, finish cutting the sausages. You can't cook but I know you can knife shit with the best of them." He smiled and flipped the knife with a little flourish so the handle faced the boy.

"Show-off," Sasuke muttered, but, if you knew how to look, you could tell he was smiling. Just a little.

They worked in relative silence for a few minutes, until the dark haired boy rested the knife on the cutting board, "Naruto"

"Mmm, yeah?"

"So…what does this plan involve?" he paused for a moment, and then looked up to see the blonde grinning like an idiot.

"I thought you'd _never_ freaking ask! Ok, so it'll go something like this," he dumped the spaghetti into the drainer, "Now, I haven't gotten the Hinata part figured out quite yet, but it's as plain as the eyebrows on his face that Rock Lee is obsessed with Sakura, and ever since the fight with Gaara ended him up in the hospital, you see she's been nicer and nicer to him. We just have to get them some time together and BAM!" He looked to Sasuke for applause, approval, probably anything other than what he actually got. Which was a slack jaw.

"…You…that…that's almost stupid enough to work."

"Stupid?!? It's brillia-"

"I mean, obviously, the plan needs fleshing out and we'd need to find someone who could make Hinata happy, and no dinner dates involved, because Kami forbid Lee get near sake, but Naruto, once in a while your brain cells earn their keep, don't they?"

The two boys, one laughing and one glaring, set up for dinner and worked out a plan slightly more detailed than the original.

* * *

Notes and Stuff. Yippie!

1. If you've ever seen Madlax, it's pretty much a running theme that the main character, Madlax, will say something to the effect of "When I get home, I want pasta...yeah, pasta." and she says that so often, that my sister and I cannot make pasta without saying that. Sad, yes.

2. Chorizo (pronounced sher-eese) is a spicy Portugese sausage. My mother is half Portugese, so I've had it before. Cut up in spaghetti, it's probably one of the best things I've ever tasted. If you're a wimp when it comes to spicy things, there's a mild version which I think is called Linguisa, or something to that effect.

P.S. - yes, Lee will be drunk at one point in this fic. 'Cause it's too much fun.

P.P.S. - Sorry if the ending is blar, I was listening to the new cd one of my favourite bands - Eisley - just let out. It brings me glee. The next chapter however, will not be blar. I just need to figure out what the next chapter's going to be...


End file.
